Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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