Where is the hickey?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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