Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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