Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
