Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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