Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
