the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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