I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
