I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
