My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
