nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
