i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
