So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
