Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
