We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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