i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
