You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
