he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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