Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
