don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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