I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
