halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
