I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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