omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me too!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
