She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
