Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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