new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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