If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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