Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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