dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
