I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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