So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
