I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
