you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
