i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
