Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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