You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
