i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
