We're like a lot better than the average bears
this beer tastes like vomit already
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
