In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
