Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
