i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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