The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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