hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
