The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
