I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
