Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
