i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
