Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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