Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
