I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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