last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
