Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
