It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
