:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
