i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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