the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
