oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
