I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
