i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
