so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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