***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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