Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
