Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize