The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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