I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
