AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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