Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
