Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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