Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
