we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
