I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
