how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
