you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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