If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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