Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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