In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
