Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
