This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
