So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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