We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
