why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Floor bacon is actually really good
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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