So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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