i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.