I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
