I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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