I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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