Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

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  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (47) Good night (10423) Bad night (1213)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

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  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (13396) Bad night (1220)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.

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  (512): I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw. (1-512): Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid. http://tfl.nu/p25a
  Replies (16) Good night (4297) Bad night (1428)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

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  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
  Replies (38) Good night (8525) Bad night (1168)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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  (785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d
  Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (4554)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.

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  (303): I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring. http://tfl.nu/akq0
  Replies (5) Good night (2632) Bad night (1028)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.

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  (612): Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me. http://tfl.nu/0mf7
  Replies (6) Good night (1716) Bad night (886)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.

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  (617): Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory. http://tfl.nu/p9v1
  Replies (11) Good night (2137) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..

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  (540): margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted.. http://tfl.nu/mj6g
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (817)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA

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  (931): I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA http://tfl.nu/jla7
  Replies (2) Good night (987) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress

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  (202): he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress http://tfl.nu/kmvd
  Replies (6) Good night (1457) Bad night (453)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.

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  (585): Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire. http://tfl.nu/1iqw
  Replies (3) Good night (745) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it

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  (517): Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener (508): The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it http://tfl.nu/thh7
  Replies (0) Good night (694) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!

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  (216): I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear! http://tfl.nu/zz62
  Replies (3) Good night (1356) Bad night (337)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.

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  (587): We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/8kzg
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (250)

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