I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
